Only in Pimlico does a knife wielding mugger ask police to look after his cat.
In a dawn raid detectives seized a 32-year-old man on suspicion of a violent robbery on a woman in Belgravia last month. In the attack the woman had a pair of £100,000 earrings pulled from her ears moments after she had stepped from her Bentley car in Eaton Place. Police suspect there are links to a series of eight attacks on women walking home alone in Pimlico in November and last month.
The robbers stole jewellery and watches, sometimes at knifepoint – leading residents to organise night-time patrols to guard the streets. Officers from Westminster Crime Squad burst into the suspect’s one-bedroom flat on the third floor of a council block in Notting Hill early today. Using a steel battering ram, they smashed their way inside, shouting “police, police, police”.
Sounds of a struggle could be heard before the suspect was led away in handcuffs – after first asking one officer to look after his pet cat, Angel.
Pimlico Plumbers – the only company to have more PRs than workers – is hoping for a viral Christmas with an animation, which doubles up as an online Christmas card to the company’s customers, and features the Pimlico boss Charlie Mullins rescuing Pamela Anderson – in all her glory – from a celeb-studded party where a pipe bursts.
Even smarter for the Pimlico marketing geniuses – the video only cost £250 to make, being the prize money awarded to the lucky student won Pimlico’s competition for an animation which was incorporated into the syllabus for a Diploma in Art & Design (Interactive Media).
A small Landlord in a Rural Village goes out every day to tidy up the hall and entrance of the HMO that he rents rooms out from. The landlord tidies, repairs & cleans for three or four hours, before returning home. Every day he does this, without fail.
One week, a London Estate and Lettings Agent is having a holiday in this same village. Every day he sees this small Landlord go out, tidy, repair & clean, come back, go out, tidy, repair & clean, and come back. So after a few days, the London Estate and Lettings Agent approaches the small Landlord and he asks the small Landlord if he maintains his property like that all the time.
“I do,” says the small Landlord, who is about thirty years old.
“How long have you been renting?” asks the London Estate and Lettings Agent.
“All my life,” says the Small Landlord. “Since I was a boy.”
“And you rent like this every day?” He looks at the small HMO.
“Yes,” says the Small Landlord. “I have nice tenants, they tell me about their jobs, they pay their rent on time ……. then I go home for the afternoon”
“But you only go spend a short while in this house!, Why don’t you go out into town when you have finished – leaflet drop? You could source more properties, do them up, rent them out”
The young Small Landlord thinks a minute and looks down at his feet. He looks back up at the London Estate and Lettings Agent. “Well, I like to spend time with my family play with my children, go to the pub and play cards with my friends, watch the big game on TV. Some afternoons I go fishing, or I go for a stroll with my pretty wife”
The London Estate and Lettings Agent nods, he steps closer to the Small Landlord. “Look,” he says, “if you redecorate, and put a new kitchen and bathroom in, you can remortgage and draw your equity out – you’ll make double the amount of money you make now. You can afford to pay someone to do the leafleting for you. Plus you can use the equity that you’ve drawn out for the deposit on another house”
“Why would I want to do that?” asks the Small Landlord.
“Because once you’ve got 3 or four houses then you can hire a few people to do the cleaning and decorating for you, which will give you the time to follow up more leafleting leads, buy more houses, and get more mortgages”
“Why would I want to do that?” asks the Small Landlord again.
“Because then you’ll quadruple your earnings and pretty soon you can have your own Portfolio.”
“And why would I want to do that?”
“Well, once you have your own portfolio you’ll have enough houses to cut out the middle men and rent a High Street Office, and set up a lettings agency to rent out your own houses as well as some for other people You do well enough and then I can help you – we do a joint venture, and then we franchise out the business model, and we go National. Then we a float on AIM and take the whole operation public. We will cash in. We will be rich.”
“And then what?”
“Then,” says the London Estate and Lettings Agent, “you can spend time with your family, and play with your grandchildren, go to the pub and play cards with your friends, watch the big game on TV have someone push you and your wife’s wheelchairs round some pretty walks ….…”
If you want to quickly calculate whether you can afford to rent a property abroad, or you have Euros and wish to calculate how much they are worth in order to rent a London flat you can use this nifty widget written by Slagthemoff a member of our forum.
Yes right now our very own Kate, shortly to become Princess Kate, is sitting in her Pimlico Hotel, having her hair done by a Pimlico Hairdresser, in preparation for her Pimlico Wedding.
In a shock revelation which breaks all royal protocol it has been revealed that Strutley Chillingwood of Pimlico (noted hair stylist to some of London’s most noted celebrities including Dannii Minogue, Louise Minchin, Simon Cowell, Amanda Holden, Mick Jagger, Pixie Lott, and Louis Walsh) has been commissioned by Queen Elizabeth to do Kate Middleton‘s hair
and he was asked by Ta Ta For Now News if Kate will be wearing her hair up or down, and the infamous British hair stylist (who is very good friends with Sir Paul McCartney, Tony Blair, Sir Elton John, and three of the five members of the all-girl group Girls Aloud) has refused to say.
All Pimlico Flats’ flats for rent are within the Division Bell, a technical Parliamentary term meaning that MPs can go home and be called back to Parliament when it’s time to vote, so if you are expecting to win your seat than all our flats are well within the new lower MPs expenses limit so we offer superb quality at excellent value for money.
However if you expect to be called by the Queen to form the next Government then it looks as if you will be heading to “Young London” the Lettings Agency who are advertising 10 Downing Street for rent at an asking price of £72,000 pw (I really do think it worth negotiating on this rent). This is a unique opportunity to head up one of the world’s oldest democracies, and a major European State, so an early viewing is recommended.
Downing Street
Located in a quiet, gated, cul-de-sac, it is a secure property with 24 hour protection with a security checkpoint, armed police patrol and a police guard outside the front door at all times. The property also features a blast proof steel front door and secure, off street parking.
Tastefully decorated and finished to the highest standards throughout, Downing Street is available furnished, and boasts a number of priceless antiques and pieces of art, including pieces by Turner; on loan from the Government Art Collection.
Situated in the City of Westminster and Whitehall, the property is a stone’s throw from some of the most recognizable, picture postcard sites in the city including The Houses of Parliament, Buckingham Palace and Westminster Abbey. Thanks to its central location, it is fantastically placed for every imaginable amenity; the popular sights, shops, eateries and entertainment of The Strand, Trafalgar Square, and Covent Garden are close by and the shopping centres of Oxford Street and Bond Street are also within convenient distance.
The area is well served by parks; St James’ Park is on your doorstep and boasts 58 acres of open space in SW1 bordered by Buckingham Palace to the west, The Mall and St. James’s Palace to the North and Horse Guards to the east. The park has a small lake and offers great views of Buckingham Palace. Victoria Embankment is also on your doorstep and offers a pleasant riverside path with views of the South Bank across the Thames, and attractions such as HMS President and HMS Wellington and Cleopatra’s Needle.
Situated in Zone 1, it is as superbly connected as Pimlico Flats, the tube stations is a short walk away, offering quick connections to any part of the city. The major rail termini of Victoria is also located close by and provides quick, convenient routes out of the city across the South East and to Gatwick Airport via the Gatwick Express.
What Young London carelessly haven’t detailed is that the accommodation comes with a job – I have got hold of an application form, so if you are interested in the property fill out the form and apply for the job.
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