Make sure you leave the keys.
Don’t bother cleaning anything, it gets cleaned by “someone” – after all it was spotless when you moved in, wasn’t it? That proves that there is a cleaning process somewhere, although it’s a bloody cheek of the Landlord not to have cleaned it sooner – you’ve lived there 9 months without any cleaning whatsoever. How could the Landlord leave you in your own filth?
All those letters weren’t meant for you really were they? Alright, they did have your name on them, but they weren’t interesting, so you didn’t need to open them – quite a lot of them were bills so they are best left for the Landlord. The Christmas Card from that Aunt you don’t like? – Good job you know her handwriting or you might have opened it by mistake! All that stuff for the previous tenant? Pah – the Inland Revenue get too much tax anyway!
You are going to be a Banker aren’t you? No I didn’t know because you are accustomed to other people following along behind you clearing up your mess, it was all that course work from the LSE, and the books on Cost Accounting that you left for me. If you had let me know that you were leaving them I would have had a shot at doing your dissertation for you. God knows I would have made a better fist of it than the trash you left in the desk for me.
By the way – nice idea about the sheets. Drawing pins to keep them on the bed! I’ve never come across that before. How long has the washing machine not worked for? I don’t suppose you know seeing as the bedding you left on the beds clearly hasn’t been washed in a long long time. Don’t worry – the cleaners will lean it against the wall and beat it.
Thanks for all the food you left me – no I’m not fussy about sell by dates, though I have to confess that bleaching the fridge to get rid of the mould was a bit of a pain.
Goodbye,
and thanks for remembering to leave the keys.
